An Open Letter to the Guy Who Thinks He Can Fix My Life in Five Minutes

Posted byMatt Miklic 169 Comments on An Open Letter to the Guy Who Thinks He Can Fix My Life in Five Minutes

Thank you so much. When you asked if you could talk to me privately for a few minutes at that party, I totally didn’t know that you wanted to lecture me about my health. That was so unexpected and appreciated. It’s certainly not as though there’s been some version of you ever-present in my life. Uncles, friends’ dads, total strangers who “used to be [my] size.” So thank you; thank you so much.

As you know, part of your duty as a fit and healthy person is to remind unfit people that they are unhealthy and in need of your help. When you do this, don’t forget to say something patronizing about how you “want to keep them around for a long time.” It’ll really make them feel good about themselves, showing how much you care by insinuating that you’re going to outlive them. Be sure to mention how easy it is, how it’s just a simple combination of diet and exercise. That’s probably not something they’ve ever tried before, so there’s no need to consider whether it’s insulting to assume they don’t already know it. What’s that? No soda? Shouldn’t eat carbs? No kidding.

I’m not sure what the world would do without the Guy Who Thinks He Can Fix Our Lives in Five Minutes. Overweight people would simply go about their day, blissfully unaware that they are disgusting and probably going to die soon. Women might walk down the street without realizing that they are dressed like sluts. Coworkers might have to do their jobs normally, without a helpful mansplainer nearby to constantly watch over their shoulder. Wherever you go, you’re just making sure that the people around you can benefit from your expertise. And for that, on behalf of all of us, I salute you.

Published by Matt Miklic

Designer, and other useful things.

169 replies on “An Open Letter to the Guy Who Thinks He Can Fix My Life in Five Minutes”

  4. My favorite part about this whole argument is that the dude who spends all the time getting fit and eating right can die just by getting hit by a bus or die in a car accident. Life is hard enough as it is so I say eat right/excercise when/if you want, snack and drink and give yourself treats and if your body doesn’t bother you then awesome! We don’t all have to be fit bicep monsters, bro lol. :D

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  7. Hell, yeah! If we could only power our vehicles on the endless and unlimited supply of smug self-righteousness out there, we wouldn’t need to buy $5/gallon gas. I know plenty of skinny people with shriveled hearts and obese egos.

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  8. This also applies to the “member” of any volunteer organization who asks for five minutes of the leader’s time (that would be me) and tells me all the ways I’m doing it wrong, what the organization should be doing, but when asked to step and help, throws his hands up in the air and tells you he doesn’t have the time, but that I should really do as he asks. As if I, with my full time job, family, and other extra-curricular pursuits has a magic time-creation machine.

    In other words, I feel your pain!

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    1. Don’t I know it. Plenty of people “say” they can do your job better, especially hard when your org relies on volunteers who feel like they get paid in the ability to be as condescending and ego-centric as possible.

      “Put up to shut up” ends up being the only way to respond to these people, in my experience. Keep your chin up, eh?

      Like

    2. I feel you. I’m not the leader of a volunteer organization, but I’ve been both employed by and a volunteer for the same organization for a long time. The worst was when I actually agreed with the volunteer, but as a lowly peon in a HUGE national organization, there is literally nothing I can do to change the way things are.

      Like

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  18. People need to look at their own “flaws”. Those commentators never really mean well, they usually only mean to be superior :S As though THEY know better than everyone else in the world. Give me a break! And, oh hell yeah, I salute them too!

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  19. I think you have a point of view …..I don’t think that someone who eats healthy food and run all the day and night well have more and extra years to live than anyone else…but lets give a guy who wants to change your life in five minutes a chance?!

    we all know that happiness is the most important thing in this life…where do you think your happiness ?…I don’t think that being over-weighted is happiness>>it’s only my point of view

    ” my opinion is wrong even though it’s right and your opinion is right even though it’s wrong” “Al Shafie”

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  20. It’s a trap ! Are you sure he didn’t leave a business card in your back pocket with his number on it that says “The health personal coach in [your city here], $70 a session” ?

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    1. Hmmmmmmm funny. I was just thinking I LOVE THIS POST. And I’m a personal coach. The 5 minutes fix your life thing (or I have the magical answer to YOUR life thing) is simply never the truth. It’s a superiority you-should-be-grateful-to-me-for-caring stunt.

      Right hook come to mind?

      Like

  25. Love, love, love this post. Apparently I don’t have a good personality or great sense of humor when these conversations start; it is people like him that made me master the Icy Staredown. They either move on, mumbling about “just trying to help” or (more often) think they “got” to you and are satisified that their good deed is done.

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  29. Thank you!!! Bravo! I second that motion. I met this man’s sister yesterday (she wants me to stop trying to get off meds since she’s a lifer). And his child goes to my daughter’s school, poses as her friend and makes sure to remind her she’s fat as soon as it appears her self esteem is getting just a little too high. Kinda wish this family would move. Maybe they could spread their altruism building fresh water sources in Uganda.

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  31. Ultimate douchebags never realize that most people don’t want their unsolicited advice. You should have told him that you worry that his being such a jerk will end his life prematurely, and you’d like to steer him away from such horrifying behavior. Because you want “to keep him around a long time.”

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  34. This. is. awesome. I am curious to know how you handled it in the moment? any clever witty remark or backhanded thank you?? Maybe HE is in need of your expertise on how not to be a douche at a party….

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  36. Urgh. I’m sure some of these people actually have good intentions while dishing out well meaning advice. But what they fail to realize is all the advice they are wisely bestowing are things we already know. Because hey, we’ve been living with it for a better part of our lives, but they’d obviously know better in five short minutes.

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  38. This must be one of the best things I’ve read on WordPress so far. Thanks for writing this, it’s spot on!

    P.S. I’m chubby. But. I love food. And I’m going to keep stuffing myself with carbs and gluten and All Things Calories.

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  39. I’d rather have a guy that eats what I make, rather than ask me to make him a salad every day. Who wants skin and bones? Sounds like that man gets an ego boost from making someone else feel bad – not a good trait at all. Better to be heavy and nice than to be “fit” and suffer from assholism.

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  40. Hahaha! Love it. I used to have older ladies tsk tsk disapprovingly and tell me I needed to “eat a cheeseburger.” Thank you, Lady Trying to Fix Me! I didn’t know that was an option for me! And here I’ve just been eating air and chewing on paper this WHOLE TIME. I certainly don’t have any health issues that are causing me to lose weight or maybe depression issues where I don’t feel like eating. But I’m sure you thought that through before you opened your mouth, right? If only I knew all I needed to do was eat a cheeseburger. MY LIFE WOULD BE SO DIFFERENT. Great post and congrats on getting Freshly Pressed!! :-)

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  43. For all that I get the message here about the do-gooders who can’t resist having a patronising dig at ‘lesser mortals’ assuming ignorance, apathy or whatever…. there actually are people out there who could use some health and lifestyle advice from caring nearest and dearests who don’t want to interfere. I guess you have to select your market with care – V

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  45. Yeah, I wish there was a “Loved It” button instead of just a Like button for this one. I’ve been plagued with the up and down weight my entire life and I’ve had extreme moments of success and pretty bad failures in maintaining my weight so I have found I like to be the last person to ever bring up advice as I don’t want to come across as a hypocrite when my weight spikes up later.

    I’ve had those same folks say some of the same things or heard them said to others and I just have to roll my eyes. Thanks for the great post.

    Like

  46. I was a female power lifter/mountain climber for 24 years and I have never, ever offered health advice to anyone, anytime. Reason: there are billions of people on this planet, every one of them is different, and every one of them is doing what they are doing for a reason. It’s none of my business what their reasons are, just like it’s none of their business why I lift.

    My closest friends come in all shapes and sizes (Hell, I’VE been all shapes and sizes over the years) and truth be told, the ones who give the best hugs are the ones I can’t shine a flashlight through. I’ve hung out with people who live restrictive dietary lives for one reason or another and frankly, it’s a drag. It’s like a portable jail they live in and they’re not happy until everyone else has squeezed in there with them to keep them company and validated.

    Confession time: I loathe washboard abs on men. Six packs are for drinking–they go on the inside of the stomach, not the outside. After two decades as a gym rat, they still freak me out. Dudes, you look like insect exoskeletons! Gimme a mountain of a man who can lift a weight AND a fork, who can crack a joke AND a coconut, who can open the stuck jar of Alfredo sauce for me and THEN help me eat it, and I’m happy. Hell, I’ll bring the wine.

    My guess is that the rude dude who lectured you was scared shitless of you for multiple reasons. One, you represented someone who was doing what they wanted and enjoying it and that irks people who deny themselves things in order to score points. Two, some people are so insecure that they must find a scapegoat outside of themselves to channel all their discomfort towards (Think: gays, rich people, the other political party, the other religions, whatever) so they can take a break out of their exhausting schedule of self-loathing. Three, those who require external validation in order to survive emotionally put themselves in a perilous one-down position to everyone around them: they aren’t “okay” until society tells them they’re okay. So anyone not following the current fad is not on their team and not likely to think well of them. In other words, you weren’t drinking the Kool-Aid, how dare you brazenly choose something else? And four, it’s not impossible that he is still in the closet, has a major thing for bears, and you were like the warm forbidden goodies on the other side of the cold bakery window to him. Just sayin’.

    Fuggeddaboutit. Crack open a cold one. Save me a hug.

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  47. Those strangers who would cross a snake-filled pit and climb Everest to reach the smoking area to tell me about my sins, were the first ones to trip over themselves to congratulate me on using the e-cig – –

    Hello! – I’m still a nicotine addict — but I guess you missed that…..

    And now that I no longer have large doses of nicotine to stoke my aging, post-meopausal metabolism, I also get to hear about my diet and exercise failures – –
    I have my own “I can fix you in 5 minutes” spiel – here goes:

    “Hi – Are you aware of how much health damage you are causing in your body and mine by being a judgmental arse-wipe? Your holier than thou attitude assures me I will out live you (because everyone knows the good die young) and if not so, I’m sure your negativity and need to criticize means even if you live to be old, you will spend your later years alone, because no one can stand to be around you.”

    I, however, will enjoy quality of life in a crowd of really awesome people – no matter how long that life is…..”

    Where, oh where, is that tongue-sticking out smiley to put in front of my So There!

    Kudos on a grand post and getting Freshly Pressed – which is how I found your blog – look forward to reading more.

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  48. Beautifully said. LOVE that you can put us right there with you and the mansplainer. VIVIDLY recalled all those who came before him…every generation has them, unfortunately. I wonder what they think of when they’re counting their blessings… Thanks for a wonderful read and a good belly laugh for the day.

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  49. I love to help people, and tell them what has worked for me, and what hasn’t…but I never offer my opinion on THEIR choices unless they ask first or open the door to the conversation. I am in the process of losing a very stubborn post baby ten or twelve pounds, and I’m proud of how strong I’m getting…but I also started smoking again. I was just outside having a cig when my maintenance man made some comment about “putting those stinky things up.” I said nothing. I have complex feelings about my smoking (written posts about both smoking and weight) and us smokers are on the receiving end of a lot of the same UNSOLICITED advice and opinions of which you speak in this post. So, I guess I’m saying, I feel ya.

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  55. “This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged assholes, body issues, mansplaining.”

    I laughed for about 5 minutes. I’m going to start an Assholes category, that’s brill. :D

    On the side note, fuck that guy. Fuck him in the ear.

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  59. This is great and reminds me of that story about the female news anchor who was criticized by a viewer for her weight. No one knows your backstory and personal feelings. Some people just don’t understand that!

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  60. I really wish I didn’t understand exactly what you are talking about…but I do…I think I should forward this posting to a few friends. Thank you for saying what many of wish we could.

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  62. A friend of mine used to have a sign on his desk (next to his ashtray) that read: “Thank you for not exercising.”
    My personal motto is: “I never sweat on purpose.”
    I think we’re all on the same page here.

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  63. Great post! I’m with Phoenix. Never want to send nasty energy out in anyone’s direction, but sometimes stupidity needs to be addressed!

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  65. When will we (society) stop measuring quality of life by bank accounts and sex appeal? When will it be measured by personal satisfaction, and I don’t mean of the instantaneous type, although I’m not against instant gratification either.

    How about personal growth? Or accomplishments? Or spirituality? Philosophy? Or some other measurement! I’m tired of it being dollars and bra/dress sizes. What about IQ? What about love? What about capacity for forgiveness? Compassion? Empathy?

    Be original, tell someone how beautiful they are for a quality they possess that is INSIDE of them instead of from the skin outward.

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  69. I absolutely love this post, every single word of it. As a woman who was born wearing double digits I have been accosted by this asshole as well. Thank you for this hilarious and dead-on post.

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  74. Fabulous! Seriously, diet and exercise. Uh-huh. I think we know this to be true. We also know it to be harder than it looks. Personally, I think the stars have to align. You did a great job with your letter. Thanks for the chuckle. The dude’s a jerk.

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  79. Most of my life I was seriously underweight. That is, seriously skinny. Just eating more wouldn’t fix it. High metabolism? So “they” said. At least nobody took me aside with advice. I would have gladly taken on some of those excess pounds if there were a way of swapping.
    And you haven’t even touched on the difficulty of finding attractive clothes that fit. Everything on the racks was for the 50 percent in that “normal” middle of the bell curve.

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  80. I’m surprised he did not recommend surgery or medicine with nasty side-effects, including death. Everyone knows it’s better to die than to live with a less than perfect appearance. Did you get his name? Because, when he writes a book on this subject and shares with the rest of us his simple formula for weight loss, I want to buy it used for 25 cents on amazon.com and then give it a negative review and resell it for one cent.

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  82. That’s SOOOO true! It works for me too when people come to talk to me about the fact that I’m not married and that they are sure I’m in need of marital bliss with a good guy who just happens to be available for me to meet.
    I like the tone of your article too because it’s so calm ^^

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  83. Now I am swimming against the stream hehe, but I don’t mind those people. While reading the post as well as the comments three things came to my mind.
    1. You want those people to accept your “flaw” to be overweight and they should not try to change you. Lets turn this around it her flaw that she is trying to change you so just accept this haha :) you now where I am going?
    2. Some people said that those people only do it so they have “their good deed for the day”. If you think so, just test those people. Ask them :”you really care about me an my weight? So help me and become my personal trainer, or is this too much commitment?” If those people back up, go ahead and ask them if they really believe they would change you in those few minutes. Maybe this will cause some of those people to think.
    3. If you don’t want other people to approach you because of your weight and it bothers you: loose weight haha :)

    I am one of those persons who bother other with good advice hehe…. Don’t damn me but I am glad for any comment on this :)

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  84. Brilliant. And so true. I think we have all run into one of these at least once in our lives…or several times in my case…

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  87. The *real* problem, as I see it, is that you felt shamed by this guy. What I would like you to do in future is say, loudly (you’re at a party when this happens, just to set the scene): “Everyone gather around, so-and-so has something IMPORTANT he wants EVERYONE to hear.” That way you shine the light back on him, and, like a cockroach, the little problem will just scatter off. Or, you will give him the gift of his 5 minutes of fame, and he goes home happy, and you no longer have to deal with him face-to-face. Either way, everyone wins.

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  89. Great post. We’ve all been there – whether its your health, your weight, your job, your relationship…..there’s always a “helpful” individual at a party or family to explain all that stuff that you’re clearly missing or just too dim to understood for your yourself. But hey! He can get away with it because “it was for your own good”.

    Bless them. It must be so difficult being perfect.

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  90. I literally just posted about “that guy” a few minutes ago, check out my take on the ever-present @sshole

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  91. This also goes for people with cancer. No, you do not know what caused my cancer, you do not know what will cure it, and it is not what your Aunt Sadie’s neighbor’s cousin’s son-in-law died/was miraculously healed from.

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  93. 100% true. I have had so many people giving me lectures about, well what you just mentioned. I know more about nutrition, diet, science, have better stamina and skin than those people. The irony is that I do not mind looking the way I do, I want to improve though. But those people try to make me feel bad about myself. Who cares!
    Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!

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  95. Hey, try a combination of no carbs, diet sodas, and boxing, probably works! (trying to fix your life in a blog comment)

    LOL just kidding, no seriously, try boxing. XD

    I’VE BEEN WANTING TO DO NO CARBS FOREVER BUT I JUST CAN’T!

    Uh… I’m not schizophrenic, I like your post dude. :P

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  96. This is amazing! I freaking hate people like that, they make me feel bad when I splurge on a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, what they don’t know is I’ve only eaten grapefruit in hopes of becoming “healthier”! Because you know… no-carb/grapefruit diets are totally healthy… except they aren’t.

    Thanks for the letter, it’s made my day so far.

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  97. Great piece! Five minutes with someone you do not know? Rubbish! But I have to say that it is a different ball game though, when you are dealing with situations requiring intervention with people you love. Very tough to strike the balance! Great read!

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  98. To offer unsolicited advice, especially of this nature, is simply ill-mannered, not to mention somewhat arrogant. Well-meaning doesn’t cancel out rudeness. I’m fuming on your behalf!

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  99. I literally CANNOT believe it takes some people 5 whole minutes to solve the problems of others. 30 seconds, max – cursory glance, “what you want to be doing is…” pull a Robert De Niro trout face, team it with a Chris Walken headbob and walk away safe in the knowledge that only punks keep their mouths shut.

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  101. People really just like to hear themselves talk. Really though. As people, we make way too many judgements about other people. We try to fix things in other people because we think that our insecurities are the insecurities of others. We project ourselves on other people. Keep your head up, and don’t let other people get you down. You are perfect just the way you are. :)

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  103. I hope your salute was with the middle finger. I’ve had some people do this to me. What the heck? Just because you’re a gym rat doesn’t mean you’re all that for sure. But, hey! Nice blog. Funny and yet revealing. Kudos.

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  105. Love this post! Why do people feel that they have the right to say those kind of things to a stranger? While people don’t bother me so much about my looks anymore, they do feel that they can give me career advice all the time even if they don’t know anything about me. By the way, “fit” people aren’t always healthy, or happy. So glad I found you!

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  107. I love your post. I hate when stranger do that to me. I already have my families and friends to do that for me, so thank you but no. One time, I was waiting for my sister in front of McD when some stranger come up to me and start lecturing me about leading a healthy life. Mind you, I just got back from gym and still in my gym clothes. It pissed me off so much that I ordered a sundae just to stick it in his arse… His reaction is priceless.

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  108. Excellent post and cleverly written. I’ve read all the replies and there is only one thing missing. There is an assumption that the guy gets some personal boost out of of his unsolicited ‘advice’. However, I believe that there is something lacking in his make-up that he cannot cure. Here’s a ploy should this happen to you. ‘Thank you so much for taking the time to help me. Now, is there anything I can do in return? Maybe I could massage your ego so the little man inside you will stop eating at ,for a while at least, or I can recommend a very good doctor who specialises in penile extension to overcome your obviouly chronic condition’. Make sure you maintain good eye contact and watch him shrivel into dust!

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  109. everyone is a critic nowadays. leave my body alone and start focusing on your own issues i would say. That guy is a jerk and i wonder what dirt he’s sweeping under his carpets. more power to you i say.

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  110. A few years ago, I had a sandwich maker at one of those popular sub shops express his concern of my general appearance. This fifty year old man, gestured to his face and said, “Have you ever tried witch hazel to clear that up?” I asked him if he had any commentary on how my roots needed touching up while he was at it.

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  111. Thanks Matt, for bringing up, in your funny post, this complex issue on the receiving end of advice. Like you pointed out, unsolicited advice, especially from a stranger is unwelcome; I would say infuriating, but your courtesy towards the bore does you credit: great post!
    Matt Thomas
    February 20, 2013 at 12:44 pm
    I think the very least we can ask of each other is to respect boundaries. I welcome advice from my close friends — from people who are basically strangers, that’s another story.

    It’s all about boundaries. Unsolicited advisers are on a power trip. They force you to listen to their advice: if you don’t, you are close-minded. You are an open-minded, nice guy, right, so you listen. You’re cornered.
    The issue can also crop up on the giving end of advice: If by profession, you “give advice”, boundaries can also be flouted in a non-professional setting. Indeed, If someone knows I’m a coach and caretaker, there is always somebody who expects me to give her advice and tips, a free consultation of sorts, at a social gathering. Of course, coaching has nothing to do with giving advice, but rather helping people find their own answers within, via creative heuristics and the coaching dialogue. But that’s another story. Some situations can feel like damn if you talk about your profession, damn if you don’t, when socializing. It is known that coaches or any consulting/helping professionals tend to meet up only ‘with our kind’, a real paradox and a pity. To get rid of the unsolicited advisee and spend a good evening, I pedantically lecture on coaching, a real put off for this type of person. Again, if people really knew about coaching, they wouldn’t ask a coach for any advice. Giving my rates does also the trick, in a more radical way.
    You’ve got really good feedback/comments on this post (I really liked allthoughtswork!) , better than any piece of advice.a “well meaning” dude could give you.

    Take good care,

    Happy Heuristics
    .

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  112. Great post. Unsolicited advice about anything is rarely as helpful as the oh so helpful givers like to think. I can’t imagine having the gumption, let alone lack of manners and self awareness, to tell anyone how I thought they should manage any part of their lives. Baffling.

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  115. Conversely, we should also thank the Chick Who Thinks She Can Fix My Life In One Comment, without whom other chicks wouldn’t realize that they’re so thin they must be anorexic, guys wouldn’t realize they’re so unattractive they’ll never get a date, and average-looking people would never realize they’re incapable of making friends.

    Thank you for this letter. There are definitely some people in my Facebook and Twitter feeds who could benefit from it.

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  116. I’m making my own efforts towards that “fit & healthy” lifestyle, knowing full well that I’m never going to be the “skinny” chick. But I don’t give a flying f… fig. It’s my life & I’m not going to deny myself what I like because someone else thinks it “unhealthy”. I’m going to just “be” me and ignore all the judgmental idiots offering advice I haven’t asked for. ;-)

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  117. You’re amazing.
    I had something similar – I used to be (medically) fat. Now, I am (medically) normalish. But because this transition happened quickly, (for medical reasons), people feel the need to tell me to not lose the weight so fast. The same people who used to tell me in that tone of I’m-trying-to-subtly-give-you-not-so-subtle-advice-on-losing-weight-because-you’re-a-little-piggy how Weight Watchers really helped them lose those last few pounds. These people don’t know me, they don’t know I’ve been incredibly ill, both when I was very fat and now, but they feel they can comment because they have – in their perception – perfect lives and perfect bodies.
    I’d rather have my flabby bits back; at least people knew me for who I was – I am – and not comment on how my ass looks good in jeans. I don’t give a damn whether my ass looks good. I give a damn if I can write well. I give a damn if people laugh at my jokes (not often – working on this). When you’re fat, some people see the fat and either ignore you or try to better you. Other people don’t give a damn how you look and get to know you for you. When you get thin, the first bunch of people think you’ve taken on their advice and clamour for your attention now seeking your advice on how they can get this thin this quick (it’s called chemo chic, daahhhling). The second bunch of people don’t really notice you only have two chins instead of three, and continue to laugh with you over dinner about that last disastrous date. I only want those people in my life, thankyoupleaseverymuch.

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  125. The type of person(s) that most annoy me are the evangelical “I lost 30+ lbs by diet and exercise and you can too” types. I had one of these in my office. A woman I worked with set out to lose 40 lbs. Every GD day we had to listen to her narrate her workouts and food consumption. She succeeded in dropping the 40 and continued to bore us to death with her evening workouts and food intake. Then she took it a step further — she began LECTURING everyone in the office on how to lose weight and exercise. Oh and just so as to make sure everyone knew what she was doing, she’s post this inane info on her Facebook page. Suffice it to say, I wound up *un*friending her. Thankfully, we no longer work together. Of course the coup de grace was when she would lecture ME, a VEGAN, on how carbs are bad for me and how I need more protein. Like I said, I’m glad we no longer work together. Personally, if I had a choice between sitting at a dinner table with a serial killer or some woman who is going to bore me to death wit her diet/exercise routine, I’d choose the serial killer.
    Just sayin’

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  127. The same thing is true for being a smoker. To just think that when i started smoking 20 years ago, they sold cigarettes out of a vending machine, had a smoking section ON CAMPUS, they did not know all of the health risks, and they only cost 3 bucks, that all that would change. If i would know that i was to be made the villain of all aspects of life and be looked down upon as one who should be quarantined out on the fringes of society and all of my spare savings would be given to a bunch of criminals who have tricked me into being addicted like a heroin addict, i would never have started. Our society is needing to work on its ability to be understanding and compassionate in a lot of aspects. Victimizing the victim is very wrong! Good post.

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  129. Here in the UK we have had a spate of athletes, soccer players and the like suddenly drop dead between 15 and 45 years of age. All supposedly fit young men. My advice is sit yourself down, pour a beer and be happy.

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  132. Nom-nom. Reposted this over on WarRetreat, who gets a daily onslaught of emails from nutritionists, life coaches, and everyone who has something that will make veterans feel better for a price.

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  135. Agh, that guy is such a jerk. And there are far too many of them in this world! I have a chronic illness and LOVE being told that if I just got more fresh air or exercised that I would get better. If only my doctors knew that the cure was that easy!

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  136. Bravo times one million. As Helen has stated above, some people have very REAL medical conditions, and are unable to devote hours of their life overworking their organs and putting themselves in danger. Their “no excuses” policy is just the height of arrogance, and makes people in less than ideal physical situations, feel like SHIT. The fact that these stupidly fit people don’t care about anyone else’s situation but their own, speaks volumes about where they are at, as a human being. Many of these people will tout about being advocates for equal rights, but it’s ok to talk down to heavier people like they “aren’t quite there yet.”

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  137. In today’s world, a lot of people have the potential to piss you off royally, but the kind that really takes the cake, is the stranger-in-the-bar kind who point out the most obvious things! Drives me nuts! I love this post! Oh so much!

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  138. Thank you, thank you. I have been working most of the day on a blog about how we cannot “bully” anyone and need to teach our children that it is wrong, but on TV I was “blessed” to watch 2 men slap an obese man in an effort to “make music” I could not believe it….Have to love all those “captain Obvious” out there.

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  139. I get what you are saying — that you did not give the stranger the right to lecture you — but were his intentions that bad? Did he hope at some level, that he might be the straw that prompted you to some change, out of deep caring? I realize I’m the minority here (and I promise never to tell you what to eat or how to live your life, and I hope for the same reciprocal courtesy), but I’m not going to assume this guy was a jerk.
    Just someone who guess wrong on how his words would affect you.

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  140. “Individuals who are realized in their own lives almost never criticize others. If they speak at all, it is to offer encouragement. Watch yourself. Of all the manifestations of Resistance, most only harm ourselves. Criticism and cruelty harm others as well.” -Steven Pressfield, The War of Art. Thanks for posting this, Matt. I’m just getting into the nutrition and fitness profession and so I have those moments where I think I know it all and should share it with the world. This was very well received and will likely save me some embarrassment down the road. Cheers!! Sarah

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  143. Well I actually like people like this, in fact I usually ask them if they can be my sexual advisor as well. So if I need their f*ckin’ advice I’ll ask for it.

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  147. When the frailty of life is such that any one of us, at any one time, can be gone for eternity the only thing that really matters is happiness. Food/laziness/alcohol/cigarettes/hell even heroin; if it makes you happy and doesn’t affect your quality of life, or the quality of the life of others, it shouldn’t be of any concern to anyone. It’s a shame that we live in a world where the affairs of other men seem to be more of a concern to people than their own.

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  150. I can so relate to this. I used to weigh over 300 lbs, turns out I had a health issue I didn’t know about. Before I lost the weight I had “helpers” tell me how to lose weight and what it would do to me if I didn’t. I also had people who would oink as they went by or call me names, as if I didn’t know I was overweight. Did they really think that helped? All that did was make me look for comfort food.
    When I got correctly diagnosed I lost 140 lbs. I cannot tell other people how to lose weight, everyone is different.
    p.s. You don’t look overweight to me :)

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  151. I just read this. And although I feel rather speechless, I can tell you all I feel is pain. I just don’t understand how someone can think they’re loving you when they attempt to correct you; as if you need correcting. Why can’t he just love you? The way you are? ow ow ow (i don’t know how to spell “ow” like in it hurts). I’m so sorry this happened to you and what’s worse probably for the upteenth time.

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  152. Years ago, an attractive stranger at a restaurant invited herself into the middle of a conversation I was having about relationships. As it turned out, the goal just may have been to ultimately inform me, “More people would like you if you rephrased everything”. Adorable! Amazed, I asked if I’d be better served with a large number of shallow acquaintances, or a small number of people who ‘get me’…you know, actual friends.
    That said, with the encouragement of similarly self-aggrandizing but apparently irony-deficient actual friends, I’ve lately recognized the importance of wrangling my “well-meaning know-it-all” gene. The effort now is to pay more attention than I seek, and to know only that I know nothing. Damn you, Socrates.
    But enough about me! Your 5-Minute Guy wasn’t actually talking about your body fat, he was describing his own “soul fat”. He was looking for some kind of credit, which was never about you. His radio is on ‘transmit’, not ‘receive’.

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